It's been almost 10 years since I lost my dad. I loved him very much but as we all do he had his issues. I've admired him a lot over the years, as a boy I wanted to be just like dad. As a teen dad was the cool parent that most kids did not have. An when he wasn't their mom always was. But dad for some reason always sat with me in a deeper place I think partially because due to circumstances from both sides we did not see him often growing up. Now as an adult I still adore my dad, and miss him greatly. As I laid awake last night next to the woman I adore thinking about life I began to panic. I haven't told to many people but today is my last day at the job Ive been at now for almost 2 years. Due to budgetary restraints and personal issues I cannot move to Dallas currently as my company has asked me. I did however land another job prior to my departure, but with all of my heart and soul into what Ive created with this company, and the stability it had given me for almost 2 years, it is scary as a young father, and soon to be husband to transition. I found myself afraid I would be like my father for the first time ever, and I am by no means calling him a bad person. Dad was amazing in a lot of ways but financially he was never perfect. I have built myself a nest, not a huge one, but my own home, I pay my own bills, I am independent and doing ok. I still need help and request it when I do but I'm not homeless, or switching homes every 6 months. This is something I've been proud of and with this change it brings back the fear that I could again become this person.
I do have to say at 27 you really begin to realize the others around you support you and care and that can help you a lot to get through and look at the brighter side of things. I have been lost in thought for day's now and I officially and starting on my new path tomorrow and I am hoping and praying it works, and I want to thank those around me who care and help along the way I appreciate it.